Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Dog water

I've got to tell you this. It wasn't a wind up. There really is in the US of A a company that bottles dog water. It's called the K9 water comany. They have four flavours.  Beef, Chicken, Liver and .... shit I can't remember the 4Th.  It's fortified with vitamins essential for your dogs well being.  The 4 flavours are called puddle water, gutter water, hose water and .... shit! I can't remember the 4th.  I tried to download the pictures from their website for you but it didn't work. Oh well you'd better look for yourself if you don't believe me.

 I never made it to my mates gig at The Cock Inn. My lift was working late that night and I never drink and drive.  So sorry guys. My licence is worth more than my support. I ended up seeing locally, walking distance, The Untamed.  "Prepare yourself for stadium rock" was their catch  phrase.  Well in this small  pub they had a stack of speakers eight foot high by four foot wide each side of the stage and the same again back of the stage. A bit of over kill I thought. The lead singer was tiny about four foot nothing in his stockinged feet. When they put on the smoke effect the whole pub was filled and no one could see any thing.  People were rushing out of the door with Asthma attacks reaching for their becotide inhalers. But they brought rent a crowd, all dressed up in leather, heavy rock gear, despite the heat.

Sunday was my pubs annual music fest in aid of a charity for the mentally challenged. God I hate this politically correct speak. Well it was a great day. We drank copious amounts of falling down water, bought raffle tickets and very loud shirts.  So guess what I'm wearing for this saturdays gig at the Wheatsheaf? Yep A very loud Hawiain shirt with "Fosters" all over it.  I tried it on tonight. The girls at the pub said I looked cute in it. I'm still not sure if they were taking the piss or what.

Tonight I had a house full of friends. You see I've got this new soft ware on my PC for recording music. It's a twenty four track recording studio.  With bolt ons it costs one and a half grand. The only problem is it's so professional, so complex, no one could figure out how to work it. Needless to say I didn't pay one and a half grand to acquire this amazing piece of soft ware. I wont go into details but it cost me zip. But with a whole team of computer experts on the case, we haven't got anywhere with it. So my new solo CD  is still on the back burner.  IN case you're wondering I left the team upstairs while I struggled with AOL. Occassionally they called me upstairs thinking they'd made a break through, for me to play some guitar. But it still didn't work so I spent the next few hour listening to my mates upstairs,  who can't play guitar, playing very odd chords here and there trying to create some music on the system.  Eventually they got pissed off and went home so I went to the pub to play pool. Played seven lost one.

I made this box. It's a music computer data interface box.  So I can plug my microphone and guitars into it and from there into my computer for recording. It cost me about £11 for the bits. Paul Smashy had it apart and spent an hour rewiring it with my soldering iron. Despite me telling him that it was OK. It still doesn't work. Danny reset the volume controls on my PC and Brian sat there drinking my coffee making useful comments like "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Well no shit Sherlock! Of course we don't know what we';re doing because we don't have the manual because we haven't actually paid for the software. And Jenny sat there saying "Don't look at me. I'm just a driver for Sainsburies home deliveries." Smashy made a really good attempt at making us think he knew what he was doing by opening and shutting windows at a remarkable rate. But the bloody thing still doesn't work.  Although I have made a recording of "Oh Lord wont you buy me a mercedes benz, my friends all drive Porsches and I must make amends, I worked hard all my life with no help from my friends, oh lord wont you buy me a Mercedes Benz." I'm sure it sounds better hear than on the recording. That was Janis Joplin if you must know.

So now the night is getting late. We've had the obligatory fight outside the fried chicken takeaway. Staff and customers spilt out onto the street.. I've fixed my floodlights outside the back door so maybe we'll get some more interesting video footage.  The roof man came to fix the bathroom roof. He was a long time doing it. Then later he told me he was scared of heights.  WHAT? So I had to go up on the roof to put the final touches to his good work while he recomposed himself at ground level. I think he must be in the wrong job. Well I thought that until he gave me the bill. Shit! I'd go up ladders for that amount.  Just tell me what to do and I'll bleedin well do it myself.  I think I'll buy one of those surfers T-shirts that say "No Fear", or "If it don't scare you, it aint worth doing!" Bring it on.

Rock on dudes and may your God be with you


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