Sunday, July 18, 2004

Talent spotting????

Went to see a band last night. I can’t begin to describe how aweful they were. The lead singer, dressed in spray on leather trousers, sported a matching leather cap reminiscent of those leather caps favoured by our homosexual friends. She couldn’t sing. The band member with the most talent was wheeled on stage in his wheel chair. Now he was good. But as this was his first appearance with the band he hadn’t yet learnt all the songs.
Well we sat there listening to them destroy song after song, and watching the crowd disappear out the back door. No doubt Steve the landlord, next week, will try to tell me they were brilliant, and he’s definitely going to  book them again. He seems to have an uncanny knack of  talent spotting. If there’s a crap band to discover he’ll be the first to discover them and pay them good money to empty his pub for him.  
I went to the bar. A friend came up to me “What do you think of the band?” he says swaying a little.
“You want my honest opinion?”
“Yes as a fellow musician.”
“Rubbish.”
“There you go.” and he turns to the guy standing next to him. “If he thinks it’s crap then they must be.”
“Well I think they’re great.”
“have you had new batteries in your hearing aid this week?”
My friends turns to me to shake my hand. “I’m pleased I’m not the only one to recognise sheer total incompetence. I’d rather watch my own Grandmother falling down the stairs, than watch this lot.”
I left very shortly after that. I had to cut my toe nails or something equally interesting.
Actually I got home and started practicing a song by Puddle of mud “Blurry” hit the first chord and thought “Hey that’s also the first chord of Nickelbacks “How you remind me”.” So I tried to work out the rest. Got half the song nailed. I’ll speak to Tony and see if he’s got the other half.
Just had an asian guy come in “You got butch?” he asks.
“What?”
“Butch, you got butch?”
“I can’t understand what you’re saying.”
“Butch for clinner.”
“Butch? Clinner?”
“I got in car I show you.”
“Great.”
He brought in a brush for his vacuum cleaner. “Oh you want a brush for your cleaner.”
“Swot I sed, butch for clinner.”
Gotta go I must lie down before I go to this wedding reception tonight. OH God! It’s another 3 piece suit event. And they won’t let me bring my guitar. “We’ve got the music covered.”they said. “We’ve a Spanish guitarist going to be playing.”
Hells teeth! I think I might be leaving early.

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