Friday, May 21, 2004

who's life is this anyway? Yours or mine

Tonight Sandra and I took my children Gemma and Jamie to party for the launch of a new CD. Friends of ours have a band “Leon”. It was pretty special because my daughter Gemma filmed it. She’s going to do film at Lincoln University. So she was commissioned to make the video for MTV. She’s only 18. Unfortunately we had disaster upon disaster while trying to edit the film and eventually it was taken from her hands and redone by a professional outfit in London. They used her ideas and story board and made a video which was far short of what she had planned. That’s not to say it wasn’t good but it wasn’t what she wanted. Never mind her stuff is on the DVD that’s for sale and she is credited in the titles. Actually so am I. Shit I’m gonna be famous.
Every one was there. The hangers on. The fans. The family. The curious. The boys did an interview on BBC Radio Cambridgeshire the other day, I heard it. The interviewer was useless. He asked them three times “So lads when do you fly out to America?” making them answer the same question three times and try to make it still interesting. Where do the BBC get these idiots from?
Well I took my Children home. Gemma was so high with excitement. We left Sandra with her beloved.
I mentioned yesterday that I have been blogging for over twenty years and didn’t realise it. Well in the early days I used to write about stuff that happened to me.but then I started thinking I need to write about more interesting stuff and the only way to do that was to do more interesting stuff. So with that in mind I started Scuba diving just so I could write about it. And Gliding. And travelling. After a while I got so busy doing all this stuff I was getting worried that I hadn’t got time to write about it. So it was a sort of trade off. I’d have to do something. Maybe I didn’t really want to, maybe I was even scared to do it, but it had to be done for the sake of my journal. Because that was what it was in them days, not a blog. So I forced myself to do more and more exciting stuff so I could keep my readers entertained. If I was going to write about my life it had to be a life worth writing about. Well now I’ve got this life by default. It’s not my choosing. The writing has forced me into it. And now I have an exciting life. And I don’t really have time to write. I play in a band, in fact two bands. I travel, I organise events, I do stuff I never dreamt I would. And it’s all your fault because you want to read this shit. Or is it because I want to write this shit? Whose life is this anyway? Yours or mine.
Denise said to me today “you seem much happier now.”
“Yes, I guess so.”
“Is it because you’ve started writing again?”
Shit! What a question. Am I that shallow that my life depends on whether I write or not? It’s something I agonise over. I want to live my life the way I want to. I want to be in control. But it seems the writing has taken over. When I stopped writing I got depressed. Now I’m writing again life has got better but at a cost. I have to stay up late to do what I have to do. It’s like an addiction you have no control over. A friend of mine told me tonight that it’s becoming a struggle to keep up the writing. All I can say is there are no rules or regulations. You write when you have to. I read in a blog sometime recently that a true blogger writes religiously every day. It’s a prerequisite to be able to call yourself a blogger. No, that’s not true. I’d rather read quality stuff occasionally than crap every day. Every one is different. Just like some people make love once a month and are happy, others once a week, others three times a day. Whatever lights your candle. Whatever works for you.
Well I’m all blogged out now. Gotta sleep.

Keep the faith



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