Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Paranoia and the bad boys

Comment from customer just now regarding Hawaian shirt.
"Could you speak up a bit sonny, your shirt is a bit loud."
PC Jamie was outside earlier arresting some young yobbo who  looked sullen and surly, a bit of a curl to the lips and had the sneer.  But PC Jamie isn't one to be messed with. The yob could sneer as much as he liked, but a few minutes against the wall surrounding our car park,  sort of calmed him down a tad.  They all start off with a bit of fight in them, y'know the old total lack of respect and total disdain for the law. Then after a few minutes of been questioned in the street. Or in this case in my car park, with everybody crowding round to watch the collar, they start to look a bit sheepish and start shuffling their feet and being uncomfortable. They kick at little stones on the ground. And stand their staring intently at something on the ground while PC Jamie is on his two way checking name and address details and form.
Eventually the van turns up and the yob is put inside and made to wait some more.
When the van had gone PC Jamie came up to me.
"What's he done?" I ask.
"You know I can't tell you that." says PC Jamie
"Tell me what?"
"Tell you that he was caught shop lifting in Boots."
"You didn't."
"That's right.  So don't ask me again."
"And he made it all the way here."
"Oh he was followed by my colleague over there." he points to a tramp like figure with a baseball cap leaning on a wall across the road.
"No! I thought you were going to arrest him as well."
"No he's undercover that's why he looks like shit. Mind you there's room in the van for one more. It must be illegal to go out wearing a shirt like that. If I check my regs I think we can have you on being a public nuisance and  being a menace on a public highway." he laughed and wandered off. To chase more bad guys presumably.

Meanwhile Mr Dakin has been exposed to the world for the first time since 1988, well his coffin has anyway. Solid oak.  Quality stuff. Still looks good as new.  He's just waiting for Mrs Dakin now, she's late, and they can't leave him exposed all night. There's no telling what the crazy people will do. We have enough of them around here.
We have Wurzel for instance. He is delusional, completely convinced that THEY are out to get him. Unfortunately he's never put his finger on exactly who THEY are.  Anjim at the  corner shop habitually tells him that he's being watched and certain people have been asking about him. Thus adding fuel to his already rampant paranoia.  Late at night he can be seen in the street sometimes dressed in a long ladies evening gown and sometimes in pyjamas but always with a baseball cap on. Occassionally he can be seen hugging lamp posts and rubbing his body up and down it.  The explanation is that he is getting energy from the lamp post through the friction of his body.  Much in the way  you can impart static electricity into a balloon by rubbing it on your pullover.  Well that's what he says anyway he's revitalising his inner electricity by tapping into the council mains supply for free.

Better do some work I guess.  More later


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