Thursday, September 16, 2004


I've been reading a few blogs recently and I've noticed that a few people were talking about rats. Well I've got few stories about rats. Here's a short one that doesn't warrant a full vote. It's an incidental story.

I was working as a landscape gardener and this building company commisioned us to landscape a few of their show houses. So my team and I were busy one morning laying turf when suddenly we heard a blood curdling scream, and this young women ran out the front door of her house, totally naked apart from a small towel wrapped round her important parts. She was quite cute as it happens, but with all the screaming, any excitement on our part was somewhat disappated. We were just confronted with this very pert young lady screaming blue murder on her front building site. We hadn't landscaped hers yet. Steve leapt forward and took off his donkey jacket and wrapped it round her shoulders. She was still screaming and clinging to him when I got close enough to talk to her. Steve, married, six kids, was distraught. He'd played the Sir lancelot part and then felt the guilts. He disentangled himself andwalked away. So I tried to console her with an arm round her shoulder, and trying to find out what had happened. She clinged on to me sobbing for a few more minutes, soaking my shoulder. I'm thinking "what's below this little towel". but of course I'm a professional. I'm the foreman and I don't take advantage of the situation, even though I'd love to. Eventually I got the story out of her. Hubby had gone to work and she thought she'd have a nice relaxing bath in her VERY new house. So she was soaking away and suddenly the toilet seat moved. It got her attention, this huge rat had climbed out of the toilet bowl poked its wet nose in the air, jumped out of the toilet and scampered across her bathroom floor. This is the point at which the screaming started. There was no murder, no rape, no robbery just a confused rat.
I shouted to my boys "There's rat in her house."
it was like saying "cats" to a terrier. the boys all rushed into her house with their spades. "don't worry love my boys will sort it out for you." you just stay there snuggling into my neck.
Well there were shouts from the house and crashes and cursing and more crashes. A few screams. I'm ashamed to admit my boys/men screamed a little. OK a lot, when they found the blighter. Eventually after ten minutes of crashing about, smashing up furniture and creating havoc in this poor girls brand new house, Steve came out triumphant holding the bloody lifeless rat by it's tail.
"take it away, take it away." the young girl screamed, snuggling even closer to me. There is a God! I gave her an extra tight squeeze to make her feel more secure. Yeah yeah yeah it's not every day you get to hold an almost naked and very cute girl in your arms, who needs the strong arms of a man to comfort her.
Unfortunately as soon as she saw the rat had been disposed of she calmed down, centred herself and said "Thanks a lot boys" and released herself from my grip. We never spoke again. She didn't complain about the damage to her house or furniture. Except half an hour later when she came out, very matter of factly, and fully dressed, gave back Steves donkey jacket. He never washed it again. It was his private fantasy. I had my own but I wont go into that right now. Rats. I love them.

So next week I'll have a few stories that you can vote on. This is just an extra. A little bonus cos I'm bored. You may care to take notice of the thread that's going on ref: the vasectomy story. Seems someone from my past has found me. We will wait and see what happens. I will not make any comment right now.

So rock on dudes until next time.


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