Thursday, November 04, 2004

My daughter Gemmalah came home today for the weekend. She's lost weight. Gone is the puppy fat, instead emerging is a very cute slim beautiful girl. I asked her what she was eating. She told me.She's been living on Tuna and mayonaise with strawberry jam sandwiches.
Jamie said "Cooooool" he loves his sister.
So I asked Jamie what HIS favourite sandwich was. He immediately pronounced chocolate spread and cheese sandwich. I had a think and the most bizarre sandwich I've had recently, that I thought was really nice, was Peanut butter banana and brie cheese sandwich.
So tonight I met up with Del and the one who should not be named. I asked them what their favourite sandwich was. The man who should not be named swore by Cheese and blackcurrant jam sandwiches. Then as a breakfast alternative he was partial to sausage and marmalade sandwiches. Explaining that it had to be the shredless variety of marmalade. Del favoured the left over curry or chilli con carne sandwich. Whereas Di. Dels wife was happy with a three tier ham and bread slice sandwich, no condiments, no butter, but good ham.
Mikey, Dels son, looked up from his gameboy long enough to tell me he like chocolate spread and cheese.

So I went to speak to Dave the chef to get the professional perspective, we'd already discussed putting walkers crisps into any sandwich to give it "the bite". But Dave the Chef poo pooed that one saying it was a chav thing it was below him. What was really needed in a professional "bite" was fresh ground black pepper. His Sandwich of choice was a freshly baked crusty bloomer cut thickly with fresh real butter, topped with mature pineapple slices (not tinned) and freshly ground black pepper for the bite.
Mustafa my ex Turkish policeman friend is a great fan of feta cheese and olives sandwiches. His take on that involves a George Foreman grill. I pointed out that Feta cheese was Greek and he is Turkish. "it's the only Greek thing I like." he replied.

Someone overhearing the conversation down the bar suggested, Sardines and mustard but I don't think they were serious. Then some one said "Do you know there is a world wide Branston Pickle shortage. "
Shit!! and Double Shit! Branston pickle is one of my staple foods. I can't live without Branston Pickle.

This is a foodie blog.Today my postman came into my shop. I ordered two gallon jars of pickles from him. If you live in England you will have seen the adverts for Haywards pickles that says "they bite back". Well I have to tell you that Haywoods pickles don't bite back at all, they just lick. Alan my postman gave me a freebie bottle of his pickles. Pickled shallots. Eating these is like doing drugs. You bite into them and they taste really nice and then they hit you. Straight between the eyes. They take the top of your head off. They don't take prisoners. It takes a masochist to eat them. Think of the hottest curry you've ever had.That blew your head off. Then you'll come close. This is pickling at it's best.

So if you'd like to share your favourite sandwich with us nows the time.

Meanwhile you may have noticed that on the right hand side of this blog is something new. It's a best of list. If you've missed any of the "Zen and The Art of ......" stories you can catch up. It's not complete yet. I've still got to work back through the list of stories. But the last two months are there so far.

Also you may or may not have noticed that I am writing a novel. For the November novel writing competition. Click on "My Novel" on the blogroll (it's the top one) to read what I've written so far. It's a love story. If you are interested. I think you can leave comments. But I'm not well up enough on html to be sure.
It's all alien to me and I just do stuff they tell me to. They give me the html code and I insert it at the relevant spots. Then I have to modify it. I haven't a fucking clue what I'm doing. But it seems to work.

So according to the organisers I have to tell you what I'm doing so you can encourage me. You are supposed to egg me on to complete the story. I have to tell you that my target is 50.000 words. I've written 4,350 so far. That's not good enough. You are supposed to fuck into me to encourage me to write more. I want to get that symbol to put on my website that says "I have won" . I have acheived the required standard. But I need your support. I need you to push me. I need you guys to be on my case because I am a lazy bastard. I've got less thas one month to complete this. Without your support I will fail. I don't want to fail. Do you want me to fail?

So tomorrow I want either lots of suggestions for sandwiches or lots of criticism because I haven't written enough. Go on I know you can be vindictive. I know you guys can be cruel. (when you want to) don't hold back. Fuck into me. I need it. Be as cruel as you can to inspire me to write more. Helene will love you for it.
She wants this story told as much as myself.

Goodnight my internet buddies. I must sleep now.

iPod now playing - Mr soft by Steve Harley

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