OK So I'm not going to die just now

So I went to see my doctor. I was convinced my Kidneys were failing. I'm not a hyperchondriac but I had to find out. He laughed when I asked him if it was likely. I thought it was a valid question because the specialist told my father that his symptoms were due to his kidneys failing and toxin build up. So obviously being as I have the same condition as my father and I have the same symptoms.......... well you know what I'm saying. So I had to produce a urine sample. Ha ha I was wise to this and already had one ready prepared in the required specimen bottle. The doctor tested it on the spot and declared me fit water works wise. No sugar no proteins no createnin no something else which I can't remember......... oh yeah no traces of any halucinogenic drugs.
So I was sent to the hospital straight after to have blood tests. I didn't have to wait long. So they took an armful of blood after first asking me if I had a problem with having blood samples taken. No.
-Do you need to lie down after?
-Are you offering?
-Do you need a blind fold?
- NO bring it on. Stab me with your steely knives, let blood spill, I'll watch and laugh manically.
The results will be sent to my Doctor within one week. I should live.
Meanwhile the doctor weighed me. I weigh fourteen stone in all my clothes.
-You've got fat Mikel
-Don't be silly I'm not fat
-Do you realise you've put on 12 kilos in the last two years. That put's up your BMI.
-what to?
-25
-But 25 is good.
- not when you were 23. You need to exercise more. be careful what you're eating.
I mentioned it to the nurse taking blood.
-The Doctor says I need to exercise. but I'm not really a sporty person.
- You don't have to do sport just exercise enough to break into a sweat every now and then.
- What about sex then?
- Not right now I'm working.

I left and made my way to Furnitureland to look at coffee tables. I went through the big glass swing doors into the quiet library like atmosphere of the furniture show room. It was deserted and I wandered about the leather 3 piece suites and dinner tables then I noticed I was being stalked.I did a quick 90 degree turn and headed off toward the sideboards, my stalker nipped round the back of the recliner chairs and tried to head me off I had to VIF quickly (Veer off In Flight) I slipped behind a stand had a quick reccy and ducked into the kitchen displays. There was a man sitting at a desk, he looked up, he was obviously bored out of his skull.
"Can I help you?"
"Er no thanks."He didn't press it, he went back to his newspaper.
I looked through the gaps in the kitchen units and couldn't anyone. I started breathing easier and decided to continue my search for a new coffee table. I came out of the display and walked straight into my stalker. He's standing there leaning against a column his arm outstretched making a barrier so I couldn't pass.
It was gay Gregory.
"Hello Lover. What are you doing here? Checking out the beds? I'll help you try them out."
"No coffee tables if you must know."
"Ooooh a man who knows what he wants. You do it for me."
"Fuck Off Greg." I said marching away from him.
"Anytime lover......" he calls out after me." ....any time."
I head for the exit.

iPod now playing - Cloud bursting by Kate Bush