Zen and the Art of Dating

Father was scanning yellow pages and Mother says "What are you looking for?"
"A new router for the PC."
"You've already got one." She says.
"How can I possibly already have one, I've never needed one before."
"Well I'm sure you've got one already."
"What have I got?"
"I don't know."
"So you don't know what it is I want but you're sure I've already got one."
"Well you've got just about everything else."
Father shakes head in disbelief and starts looking in yellow pages under "residential care homes".

Meanwhile here's a story about how succesful I was as an apprentice Lothario in my youth:

I used to go by bus everyday to school it was six miles from my house to school. I used to see this girl on the bus everyday. Her name was Jane Smith she was cute with short dark hair quite petite. I used to deliver milk to her house on my milk round, and sometimes I'd look up to her bedroom window and she'd be there watching for me. As soon as I looked up she'd disappear behind the curtains. Eventually after months and months of seeing her and seeing her watching me I decided I should ask her out. My heart was pounding and I could hardly breath I stayed on the bus an extra two stops to get off when she did. She got off and started walking I got off and called to her. "Jane."
"Yes?" she turned round looking at me expectantly.... "Yes?" she said again.
"I er... I mean er would you um .... er... like to go out with me Friday."
"I'd love to Michael but I can't." she knew my name, oh joy and she said she wanted to. Oh yes thank you God.
"That's OK how about Saturday then?"
"I'd love to but I can't." she was so apologetic. I knew she was desperate for me.
"OK Sunday" I was getting confident because she seemed so keen "we can do something together on Sunday."
"I can't. " she looked to be almost in tears. She really did want me.
"Well you tell me when then. What day can you make?"
"I can't my family is moving to Scotland tomorrow."
"What?" my whole world fell apart in that instant. Six months of plucking up the courage and the next day she leaving for Scotland. Fuck Fuck Fuck!
"I'm so sorry Michael. You are so sweet." and she placed a hand at the top of each of my arms and put her cheek to mine it wasn't really a kiss it wasn't a hug, but it was something. "I'm so sorry." she said, turned and walked away. I never saw her ever again.

iPod now playing - Lets get together by Hayley Mills