Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Ants

I thought I'd escaped it this year. I've got all the way through to late August and no Ants. The other day my kitchen worktop was covered in the little beggars. I'm not overly bothered but they are a nuisance. This made me think of the cycles of the year. It's getting towards late summer. Very soon the Ants will be flying. It happens every year. A lot of people panic over this, because of the flying Ants. But there's no reason to be worried they're totally harmless. What you've got to look out for is a hot sultry day. It will be still, very humid and warm. It happens every year. On this day the new Queen will fly followed by all the male Ants. Thousands of them. Only one will get the chance of a good shag. So when you're shutting your windows and closing the doors so they don't come in think about those thousands of male Ants gagging for a shag and the probability that they'll die not knowing what it's like. It's going to happen soon so watch the skies. Think yor self lucky that the male female ratio in humans is about 50:50. Unless you live in China then there's a thirty to forty million deficit in females due to their policy of one child per family. And their predeliction for male offspring who are going to look after them in their old age. I can think of forty million chinese boys who are going to be really pissed off about the status quo in years to come.
When you get to these sort of numbers, we might as well be Ants. You can't fight nature. So live with it. Go with the flow.

Here endeth Mike da Hats lesson in biology today.

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