Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Life is pain. Suck it up Princess.

So my man staggers into my gaff looking rougher than a badgers arse, Wayward hair, sunken eyes and swaying.
"You look rough." I venture the obvious.
"Don't just don't."
Which of course means "Do ask" or he wouldn't have come staggering in in the first place. So I ask "What happened?"
"Oh mate. Had a late one last night with the girl. Woke up this morning and she was gone, so was my f**king phone. She only went an stole m'phone, the bitch."
 This is a new girl. Not the Russian Princess. The new girl is really an old girlfriend who has resurfaced after a few years inside, possession and supply of class A drugs amongst other things. A new Princess.
"You were getting on with her though."
"I thought so too. Then she does that. I'm going to give her a good slapping when I catch up with her.I'll twat the bitch from here to next week, I'll..."
"You know maybe she didn't take your phone."
"I know exactly where I left it, an that bitch has took it. I've already been round her house she's not there. Just as well considering the shit storm she's got comin' to 'er. You wouldn't want to be on the same planet when i catch up with her the bitch."
"Er isn't that her coming down the road?"
"Yes stay out of it . It's gonna get ugly." he runs out the door, grabs her arm and  "Hey babe where have you been?"
"I just nipped out to get us breakfast." she holds up a carrier bag.
"Have you got my phone?"
"No. It's on charge in the kitchen. I thought you might need it charging."
"I was so worried about you. I've been looking all over. Anything could have happened. I was worried."
Well that was the "shit storm" she had to endure. The overwhelming pain of being called "Babe" multiple times.


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