Friday, July 07, 2017

The Indian Pissing contest

I'm in an Indian restaurant with my two good friends Mike and Rory, they are musicians, guitarists although Mike is a multi- instrumentalist, there is no occasion, we're just there for a meal. The waiter comes over to take our order. Mike says "I'll have the chicken Phall, with extra chilli."
"But Sir the Phall is already our hottest dish."
"Yes I know," says Mike,  "But I'd like it hotter. As hot as you can."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes Phall with a lot more chilli."
"I'll get the chef." The waiter hurries away and comes back a few minutes later with the chef.
"I'm told you want the Chicken Phall.... but with extra chilli?"
"Yes."
"This no ordinary Phall, it's very hot,  I make it myself,are you sure you wont have the regular Phall?"
"No I want extra chillis."
"OK But understand I am making this to your specification so you don't send it back if you don't like it."
"Yes absolutely. Hot as you like. Hotter." The chef walks away shaking his head, the waiter writes down Mikes order he turns to Rory.
"I'll have the same as him."
"The extra hot chicken Phall?"
"Yes."
The waiter looks at me expectantly, but I'm not joining in their pissing contest. I say "I'll have the Jalfrezi."
We chat over beers and the food arrives. Two extra hot Phalls and my relatively mild (But still spicy) Jalfrezi. The waiter is hovering. I look over to the kitchen the chefs are watching as Mike picks up his fork digs in and takes a mouth full. It takes his breath away, his face is turning red and little beads of sweat start appearing on his forehead.
"Everything toy  your satisfaction Sir?" asks the waiter sarcstically.
Mike looks up and croaks "Yes perfect, just as I like it." The waiter smiles and walks off. I swear he was doing a  fist pump.
Rory takes a mouthful, immediately he is reaching for his lager. he put's his hand up to attract the waiters attention "Three more cobras here please." he gasps.
"Of course Sir."
Meanwhile my Jalfrezi is perfection, delicately balanced flavours, nice level of heat, with a side order of cucumber and mint relish. I watch Mike and Rory match each other fork for fork, neither will admit defeat, except Mike has the higher ground as he is not drinking half a bottle of Cobra between mouthfuls. I am enjoying watching them struggle. Macho nonsense. They are both red faced and sweating. Finally they finish. Mike pronounces it the best curry he's ever had,  Rory says "It could have been hotter."
Then in an act of bravado Mike goes to the kitchen to congratulate the chef on a fine curry.
I was not sure how he could tell it was a fine curry.  

1 Comments:

Blogger Sir Bruin said...

I'm with you on this. Jalfrezi is plenty hot enough

3:42 pm  

Post a Comment

Show some love... comment below.

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

|