Cute bum or what?

I've got to tell you this. Last night I was sitting here in the dark, as is my norm, and I heard a noise at my backdoor. So I got up and tried to openthe door there was a little resistance so I gave a big push. It was a young girl in leather trousers down round her ankles. There she was bum in the air on all fours after the push. She screamed a bit then burst into hysterical laughter pulled up her trousers and ran off down the road.With her boyfriend following her all tensed up ready for a fight shouting "what the fuck........?"
This is what happens when you live on a busy main road that's half way between the night clubs and the housing estate. Yeah but cute bum or what? So it's not all bad.
Before that my darling daughter had phoned me because she wanted a lift home from the "Busted" concert. So I got out the car and went to open the gate of our yard. Sitting on my door step were two young girls. Carrying "Busted" posters and "busted" flags. I thought they look familiar. It was Roz and Caz my neices. They have proper names of course. But their young society mean they have to lose their proper names and resort to these shortened versions. For years my brother in law has fought hard against this, insisting on calling them by their given names Rosalind and Caroline. But even he has given up now and calls them Roz and Caz. Gemma was full of her self "Charly waved to me." She gushed. Well I'm sure that's true. Fifty rows back and in a crowd of ten thousand. But she can have her dream. Now I mentioned before that my children are bizarre. Well Gemma true to form hasn't changed her name to be shorter like Gem or Juh, she's made her name longer. So now she's called Gemmalah. Apparently I'm called daddylah and her best friend June is now Junelah. Obviously my ex-wife is mummylah and my two sons are Jamielah and Joshlah. Jamielah is really James.But he hates the name so much he renamed himself Jamie virtually from the day he could speak. My wife changed her name from Victoria to Vikki. Although somtimes the change is from Vikki to Ex. as in "Hello Ex how you doing?" to which she will reply "Can't stop I'm off out."
"Oh where're you going?"
"Nowhere you need to know about."
"I just wondered."
And she skips off in her leather trousers and crop top jacket to a car parked strategically half a mile away from the house driven by Sales Rep guy or was it insurance salesman guy. I can never tell. Seems a nice guy though. But what do I know? He could be an axe murderer for all I know.
Our gig diary is pretty empty right now. No gigs until August 1st. So if anyone wants to book a really entertaining band, we're available. Weddings and barmitzvas, birthday parties and pub gigs no problem.