Phone rage

Is it the frame of mind I'm in at the moment or is it affecting everyone. What am I talking about? Phone Rage.
You all know me by now, I'm always calm and I don't get flustered easily. I'm laid back and nothing upsets me. Nothing that is until I have a phone in my hand. I have found that the engaged tone on a phone drives me crazy. I want to thrown the phone through the window, smash the little fucker up into pieces, jump on it. I find myself gripping the handset with a vice like grip and saying to myself "Calm down one two three four....."
But that's only the tip of the iceberg.
"For the possibility of no one answering press one."
"To be completely ignored press two."
"To take a chance that the youth opportunity worker manning this line will stop playing solitaire on his PC and pick up the phone press three."
"To speak to someone who's day off it is press four."
"To be connected to an operator press zero."
Whoopeee! Press zero.
"Sorry the line is busy, please hold."
Fucking Henry the Eights Green sleeves comes on. It might have been cute in Tudor times played on the lute, but played electronically in a monotone it's bleedin irritating. So you wait getting madder and madder.
Ten minutes later and greensleeves is still plinking away in your ear and you are considering slitting your own wrists, suddenly "Goodbye!"
The bastards have cut you off.
So you phone back "Sorry all our lines are busy please try again later."
It's about time the people who deal with phone systems realise it's not "For your convenience" to have to deal with a fucking machine. I want to talk to a person because I don't know which button to press, none of the options apply to what I want to discuss.
And while I'm at it I am fed up with people phoning asking to speak to the person in charge of.... the phones..... the electricity supply.... or water rates.
If you're reading this ......
FUCK OFF! I'M NOT INTERESTED!
And I don't want someone from Dehli who can't speak English asking me about my pension plans.
FUCK OFF!
The person from Dehli is called Susan or Robert. Yeah right! I'm going to believe that one.
And the ones who start off "Just a courtesy call to see if......."
FUCK OFF!

There I feel much better now. Back to phoning people.....