Tuesday, April 26, 2005

My Dad #3

Well you wouldn't believe it. The Doctors said he was done for. The nurses told us to prepare for the worst, he wouldn't survive the night. We were all in tears. But you know he pulled through. So many people offered up prayers and someone somewhere listened, because he's made a miraculous recovery. MY dad has had two sessions of dialysis and although he's still weak from his heart attack mentally he is as sharp as ever. I can't believe that just two days ago the Doctor told us he was done for and now he's sparkling as if nothing had happened.
He can't remember a thing. He doesn't remember his heart attack he doesn't remember all the daft things he was saying that made us laugh. To him it's like it never happened, and he can't understand what all the fuss is about. He feels great and wants to come home.

The funny thing is when I thought he was dieing I had a million questions I wanted to ask him. I wanted his opinion on all sorts of things. I've spent the last few years taking it for granted that he will be there and my questions could wait until tomorrow. But when he is here the questions aren't. We just live our lives and we chat of course, but I never ask the questions I want answering, it seems too much to start asking loads of questions just in case he dies . So I don't know if I'll ever have all my questions answered. I have a hundred different questions, tomorrow there'll be a hundred different questions. the day after a hundred more. I guess one day I'll have to answer them for myself. Maybe my children will want to ask me questions and so it goes on. My boy Jamie asks me a hundred questions every time we're together. Perhaps he's got the right idea. I wont be here forever. Just as the sand is falling from my fathers clock. We all want to live forever.

There's a jewish joke about being a parent. "I want to live to see my children grow up get married and live a long life. Then when they've had a full life I can go myself. I don't have to worry about them anymore."

What can I say? Thank you. Thank you for your messages of support and good wishes. Thank you for your prayers. It meant a lot to me. When I was in my darkest hour I knew there were people thinking and praying.

To finish here's a last thing. Before I knew my father was on the mend I was really upset. How embarrassing can it be when you burst into tears in front of your customers? It happened this morning. I was being brave. OK I was trying to be brave. Before I opened the shop I went to the flower shop just to say "hello". I cried. I got a hug and got sent back to work. In a nice way. Then the first customers came in. I couldn't control the tears. I'm apologising like mad between sobs. Yeah I'm a rock star but even rock stars have emotions.

Rock on Dudes


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