Thursday, November 11, 2004

Idiot of the day!!!!!

Todays prize of "idiot of the day" goes to a customer of mine, she wins the Burberry baseball cap.
How did she win this prize? Well she came in to buy a couple of extension rods and a hand grip for her vacuum cleaner.
"Do they all fit together properly." she asks.
"Yes of course I'm a professional of course they fit together." I demonstrated by pushing one rod into the other and the bent end (hand grip) on to that.
"What about my floor tool?" she says.
"That will fit too." I put that on as well. She pays up and takes the lot to her car that she's left on the double yellow lines outside the shop. She opens the boot. tries to fit the assembled piece into the boot. It wouldn't fit. It was too long. So she tried it another way, then another.
I'm thinking "take it apart". She doesn't, she stands there at the back of her car scratching her head. She tries shutting the boot but it wouldn't without trapping the pipes.
"TAKE IT APART!" I'm screaming from inside the shop. She doesn't hear me.
So she goes to the back door of her car and tries it across the back seat. Unfortunately her little chavlings are in the back, and they have to play twister in the car so she can fit it diagonally across the back so she can finally shut the door. Junior chav has a floor tool stuck up his nose and the other three are stuck in various positions around the length of the pipes. She has a very very fat friend in the passenger seat of the car. So fat she has no neck. She says nothing just stares ahead and feeds her face from a huge bag of something. I am fascinated by this because she is dipping into the bag and putting stuff in her mouth at a fair rate. Every four seconds. I'm counting. She's like a mechanoid stuck in some looped routine and can't escape. Meanwhile the winner of the Burbury Hat baseball cap competition is swearing like a trooper at the chavlings. Fat girl offers her the bag momentarily, she refuses. She's too busy screaming at the young uns. Fat girl resumes the 15 a minute routine. Finally with everyone settled or slapped or both, she starts the car and pulls straight out into the traffic. Lot's of screaching of brakes and horns blaring ensues.
Sometimes I'm really proud to be British. Knowing we are the backbone of the world. We are the bench mark to which all other nations compare themselves. UNfortunately if they were comparing themselves with some of the "British" people I meet , they'd be pissing themselves with laughter. They'd go back to their tribes and think how lucky they were. Praying to the Gods of wind river and sky that Argos doesn't open a branch in Umtambazi. The Elizabeth Duke range of sacred necklaces to ward of the demon spirits wouldn't go down well with the elders of the tribe. There are no real lion claws or teeth ripped out by the young warriors bare hands after hand to claw combat with the king of the beasts. No eagles feathers obtained by climbing mountains without the aid of ropes. These symbols and talismans have the real value.
Not some cheap tat that Gerald Ratner would have been proud to sell. Help I'm rambling.........

iPod now playing - Talking to God by DJH

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