Monday, January 10, 2005

The Petts Woods Amateur Rapist

There's a middle aged man
In a middle aged coat
And a Middle aged shirt and tie
He wanders the paths and lonely spots
In the woods, Petts Woods, nearby.

He prowls the paths and lonely spots
And hides himself in trees
And when he pounces from his lair
His prey, young girl, she flees.

And she escapes 'cause he is caught
Entangled in a briar
And he curses for he tries hard
But next time he'll climb higher

He'll try to get his timing right
And get his flash on cue
He'll open his mac as fast as light
And grease his zipper too

So if you're down in the woods
And he flashes you please say
"That's disgusting you filthy thing"
It would really make his day.


I'm working real hard on this depression lark. I'll get back to writing properly soon. Anyway the stupid poem is about a flasher who used to frequent Petts Woods which is near Orpington in Kent. He was called locally the Amateur Rapist. I'm not sure if it's politically correct but who gives a flying f***. I've had it up to my back teeth in political correctness.
I was discussing kids games with Del yesterday, Del works for the council as a childrens play coordinator. It seems children aren't allowed to play anymore. Anything that might be deemed even vaguely risky is verboten.
"What about those 30 foot ropes swings over the river we used to make?"
"Can't do that anymore.
"How about all those home made bows and arrows?"
"I think you'll find that's covered in section three of the what not to do manual."
"What about the box carts made out of old pram wheels, and flying down hills on them."
"Too dangerous."
"So I suppose taping kitchen knives onto broom handles and playing gladiator is out too."
Well we talked and Del came up with the theory that children aren't allowed to do anything dangerous in their play so what do they end up doing? Joy riding and drugs. Now which is preferable?
A smacked up kid stealing your car and probably taking your car and themselves out at the same time.
Or a damned good rope swing over a river and the chance of getting a good soaking?
Kids need that element of risk and danger. Otherwise what is there to live for? Cuts scrapes bruises were all part of our everyday life. Running into the kitchen with blood pouring from your head.
"Gis a plaster mum we're having a great game........ I'll be out again in a minute lads........ come on mum all I need is a plaster."
Now we have risk assessments and culpability, public liability insurance. Ambulance chasing lawyers. Give me a break.

iPod now playing - Misere mei by Allegri


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