Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Yes I know it isn't in focus and I know it's grainy but it's art innit. It's a statement in light, shade and colour. The original image has got to be worth thousands and go down in the annals of time as a great work. Especially if Charles Satcchi buys it.
What about those firebricks in the Tate gallery? £24,000. I could go down to the builders merchants and get 120 of the same and make my own pile of bricks, it would be the same in every detail except no bastard is going to give me £24,000 for it. Ok so how about I go into the Tate with a wheel barrow full of MY bricks and swap them for the original bricks. No one would know. They'd never spot the difference. I take the bricks home and rebuild the pile on my patio. Now the question is would the bricks on my patio be still worth £24,000 OR would my new bricks purchased yesterday from Wickes be worth £24,000? Or should I just cut my losses and build a barbecue with them?
Carl Andre the guy who "made" the "pile of bricks"(quote from The Evening Standard) defended his art by saying " A lot of people find profound meaning in this abstract balance between the spiritual and the material, which manifests harmony, proportion and pure order." he also said " a place is an area within an environment which has been altered in such a way to make the general enviroment more conspicuous." in other words it's bollocks. He was laughing all the way to the bank with his faux philosophical arguments about art. I guess I'm a philistine because I'm one of those who'd say "Give me £24,000 and I'll make you a pile of bricks." in fact for £24,000 I'd throw in some other stuff too to make it more interesting. The only difference is he's managed to persuade some poor gullible fool that 120 fire bricks arranged in a pattern is art. Maybe it was his mention that 120 is one of the richest numbers in factors. That is it can be divide by more numbers than most others. Maybe it was the fact that he spent three days standing in the empty space stroking his chin and wondering where to put it for maximum effect. I suppose that means where people wont fall over it. Other defenders of his "art" would say well he thought of it first and you didn't. Well I think of bizarre stuff all the time, perhaps I should carry out some of my more bizarre ideas. Like completely coating a whole rolls Royce with freshly disected Mink fur.
God I feel so cynical today. Someone give me loads of money for my beautiful photograph or else I'll have to think of a good reason why it's art and it will be a load of bollocks I assure you.

Rock on dudes


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