Once Bitten Twice Shy

I have a friend who is an estate agent. Today he had this woman come into his office in tears. She'd tried to save money by trying to do everything herself. She was trying to sell her house and buy another. But everything she had done was wrong. She was dealing with professionals and they had torn her to shreds. So in desperation she went to my friend to beg him to get her out of the hole she had dug herself. So he sat her down in his office and gave her some kleenex and told her to tell him everything from the beginning so he could understand and then sort it all out. So for an hour, between sobs, she told him about disasters at the bank disasters at the building society, disasters with the prospective buyers and prospective sellers, disasters with the estate agents she had to deal with.
So he sat and listened with compassion until at the end she said "And that's not all."
"What else is there?"
"I went to my car and they had scratched 'TWAT' on the bonnet."
At this point my friend almost wet himself laughing.

Another friend called me today. he was doing one of those prank calls, I didn't recognise his voice,and he started giving me a hard time about a vacuum cleaner repair that I had supposedly done that had gone wrong big time. I was doing my best to be the diplomat. At the same time trying to remember who the hell it was who was calling me. Eventually he let me off the hook by saying "It's me Avtar."
"You bastard!" he's my seikh friend.
Ten minutes later he was in my shop, still laughing at his spoof call. He told me he did it regularly to all his contacts. That's the second time he's caught me. Then he told me of his best yet. He phoned a sales rep he knew and put on a womans voice and pretended he was a slapper. He told this guy he was not a gentleman because if he was he wouldn't have left bruises all over "her" body and made it so degrading by taking "her" in a back alley behind her shop, and then being so rough with "her".
At that point he seemed to recognise the situation and started calling my mate Avtar by a specific name, because he remembered doing that exact thing.
Suddenly Avtar was in a situation, he'd accidently hit the truth. This guy really had degraded this woman in a back alley behind her shop and had been rough with her. What was he to do? He had seconds to think about it. Should he continue playing along with the joke or come clean? Well this rep wasn't a favourite so he came clean and confessed he'd been winding him up. He hasn't seen the rep since.

Rock on dudes

iPod now playing - Once bitten twice shy by Ian Hunter