Thursday, June 02, 2005

Being a Rock star

As you all know I'm a rock star. Along with Del, we are the driving force behind one of the worlds greatest rock bands. Fans throw themselves at our feet, adoring us, begging us for sexual favours. It's a tough life but someones got to do it. Because being a Rock star it's expected.
So here's another behind the scenes look at the life of a rock star.
Del phoned me early yesterday evening.
"What do you say we start early and then finish early."
Bed! Sleep! "That's a great idea." I said after a millisecond. So I dashed over to Dels gaff in the motor. Picked him up and came back to my place AKA Delandahats recording studio. We stopped off at the corner shop, interupting the asian guy behind the counter who was on the phone, and loaded up with provisions. Jack and coke and plenty lager. For the uninitiated this is standard Rock star fare. We left out the mirrors and lines of cocaine though, we didn't want our creativity to be that inhibited. OK we're part timers, but our bodies are temples to purity and goodness.
So we started recording "Copperhead Road". I laid down my killer mandolin track that was to be the driving force behind the song. Charlie turned up and just had to play us his latest song. This guy needs to be on stage. He has a talent for writing songs and performing. And he's desperate to play. We let him sit on the stairs playing my ovation while we carry on recording. He shouts through the door "Can you keep the noise down I'm trying to be creative out here?"
Somewhere along the line we recorded a vocal track with all three of us singing (singing?) OK read laughing and giggling. Then Del, "laydeees and Gentlemen the very wonderful Delbert Montage", starts getting experimental with his bass guitar. "I'm a bassist. I was born a bassist, I just play guitar." Well that was after he was getting experimental with the electric guitar and experimental with the drums. This is cutting edge stuff.
Charlie left at three in the morning totally stoned.
Del left at four. So lets get this straight. I've been asleep for how long? That'll be three hours. I've got to work now. Spookily enough I feel rather chipper this morning. The laws of nature suggest I should feel otherwise.
But hey! I'm a rock star. I can't vouch for Del or Charlie feeling chipper that is.

Here's your tip for the day. Avoid anyone who drives one of those God aweful Vauxhall Corsas. Truly loathsome cars. Because when you get close you'll see it's really a courtesy car from some body shop. The driver has already smashed up his/her own car. Yours could be next. Vauxhall Corsas are specifically made for the courtesy car market. No one in their right minds would actually buy one for themselves.


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