Friday, June 24, 2005

Wasps

So mother has a gardener. I'm not quite sure what he does. Because I never notice anything having been done in her garden except today. Mother phones in a panic. Her "gardener" had found a wasps nest in amongst the honeysuckle. He'd given it a few taps with a stick and hundreds of pissed off wasps flew out forcing everyone to take cover in the house. I said I'd come over and sort it out meanwhile she should leave it alone and get rid of the gardener in case he pisses them off some more. You may recall I've had some experience with people who take out vendettas on wasps. They usually lose.
So I high tailed it over to Mothers and nervously she pointed out the wasp nest. About ten inches diameter. Not huge but big enough. It was deep in amongst the foliage. It wasn't going to be easy.

I grabbed a pair of secateurs from the shed.
"You're not going to try and cut them all up are you?"
"No Mother just trim away the foliage so I can get at the nest."
"Are you sure that's wise? Is it safe?"
"Mother I'm a professional."
"You might get stung."
"No I wont. You've just got to know what you're doing."
"Oh if you think so.But be careful."

So I started very gently cutting away at the honeysuckle. Bit by bit. A few snips here a few there. Everyso often the wasps would come out if a shook the foliage too much and I'd just stop dead still and back off for a few moments letting them settle again. Then back to cut away more.
When I had got enough cut away to see the nest properly I took ouit the secret weapon. Wasp killer spray. It smells sweet and sickly. You don't want to breath it in too much as it will give you a blinding headache and make you feel like shit for a few hours. Trust me on that one. But that's small potatos compared to what it does to the wasps. It works really quick and they drop like stones almost instantly. I soaked the paper shell of the nest liberally. Then set about cutting more foliage away. Then with one last snip dropped the thing right into a sainburies carrier bag. More spray all over and seal it up tight in the bag by tieing the handles in a knot. Then into a second bag and tied up as well.
And that's how it's done. No fuss no excitement. No getting stung. No angry wasps swarming all over the place.
If you want to know what not to do then it's here.

Stay safe playmates..... and ...er...... rock on......not alf.

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