Friday, July 01, 2005

Criminal Intent

So a dodgy friend just calls me on the phone from Edgware. You know the type; sheepskin coat and slicked back hair, buys and sells just about anything, a throw back to the sixties. Anyway he was in his local greasy spoon caff having his usual brekkie fryup when an acquaintence of his taps him on the shoulder "Hey Bob wanna buy a leather jacket." (Bobs not his real name)
"No thanks Spider I've got one."
"What about one for the Mrs?"
"She's got one too."
"Oh alright. Anything else you need? Digital camera? Camcorder? TV? DVD player?"
"No I'm fine thanks. What's all this about? How come you've got all this stuff to sell?"
"Oh I haven't got it yet. We're doing a warehouse tonight and we want to make sure we get all our friends sorted before hand."
"That's very commendable of you."
"Yeah take care of yer own, before the other buggers do. Anyway take care Bob you know where to find me if you think of anything you need."

So that's how business is done in Edgware. I'm not privvy to which warehouse is going to be hit or indeed if it's actually tonight. But it seems to be an everyday story of everyday folk, mores the pity.
If you're reading this Spider I need a Cannon EOD300i 6.2 megapixels with 100mmm lens kit.*

Years ago they used to toe punt items out the door of Dixons under the security fence, if spotted they'd claim they'd tripped over the item and they "didn't know" person who picked it up and ran off with it. I think now they have the security scanners right down to the floor.

Then there was the two guys a few years ago who used to walk up and down my road with a shopping trolley full of stolen goods. All stolen to order.
"So you want the Panasonic 27" colour TV? What model was it? Which shop have you seen it in?.... Ok we'll deliver it this afternoon."
They are now being socially rehabilitated. Or more accurately they're at a criminal finishing school studying the finer points of drug dealing, theft and fraud at her Majestys pleasure. Well they need something don't they some of these kids leave school with only two or three ASBOs to their name. It's a qualification isn't it? It's one step up from a court appearence and a warning. And it's a stepping stone to the higher level qualifications of GBH and or bird. It all looks good on the CV.
Left school with 3 ASBOs after spending 2 years in Borstal.
Apprenticed to Larry (fingers) McNasty and spent two years learning about central locking devices, car radios and cold tarmacing. Before setting up in own business.
Business went into volountary liquidation, due to unforseen circumstances, a raid by the old bill.
Now looking for work willing to travel. Have own caravan and Mitusbishi Shogun. Tarmacing your drive a speciality. It's waffer thin.

*that was a joke. You don't think I would really accept stolen goods do you? Do you? Aw cummon. It's me Mike Da Hat honest as the day is long. But if you want a leather jacket tip me the nod and I'll put you in touch with the man. His name is Chief Inspector Mathews.

Rock on dudes

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