My Excuse: I was Kidnapped

No I wasn't kidnapped by Jamie Lee Curtis. That might have been OK. I was actually Kidnapped by Del who used the argument that he missed being able to join me on my birthday so he had to make it up to me another day. Hence he kidnapped me.
It all started off gentle enough. A couple of pints down the boozer, some quiet conversation and then home. Except I wasn't taken home I was taken to Dels house and forced to drink huge quantities of rum and coke. They held me down I tell you. They had a funnel an everythin.
I protested that I was a jehovas witness and as such couldn't drink Rum and coke no matter how delish it was. I protested about the second glass and the subsequent "top ups". But all to no avail my heartless captors kept feeding me rum and coke until shortly after listening to Tom Waits and declaring him "a God amongst men" I collapsed in the hallway and fell asleep. What's worrying me now is Del and Diane have a habit of breaking their captives and then taking photos. I never saw a camera when I came to so I might be safe. But I have seen photos of their past victims. All seen in a coma or something.
Somehow I was taken home. I don't remember much about that. But I do remember waking up the next morning and thinking "this is not good." and Del wants to take me to Amsterdam?
Damn Damn Damn I've just got a text from Diane she didn't use a camera she took photos with her phone.
Oh the shame. I'll have to tell people I was kidnapped by Al queada terrorists and drugged. Just to explain my absence from your screens.

Rock on Dudes