Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Zen And The Art of Being Placid

Wow! I've just had my fourth photo in the newspaper in as many weeks. This is not one of them, but could be in the future.
This is one of the sculptures at Burghley House near Stamford Lincs.

Let me introduce you to a new character in the life of Mike Da Hat. Marcus. His name shall herein be called Twat. He professes to be a photographer. He has a six thousand pound camera, state of the art equipment. Can he take a photograph? No. Why? Because he's a Twat. I was doing a photoshoot for a band and he came to speak to me to tell me all my settings were wrong. I shouldn't be doing this I should be doing that. So I gave him my camera and said "Go one then take some pictures." He messed with all the settings and took 15 pictures. I had to delete them all, they were rubbish. Why? Because he's a Twat.
No sorry I'm being unkind. I shouldn't call him a Twat that doesn't do the guy Justice. The Christian lobby will be after me for not being sympathetic enough. You will hate me for being intolerant of a fellow human being. You'll be thinking this isn't Mike Da Hat, he's kind and considerate. But you know it's true this guy deserves more. So I'll willingly rephrase it. He's a fucking moron. He's got the imagination of a 1960's block of flats. The brain of an ant.
he tells me his photography will be his pension. When he retires he will sell all his pics. If he lives long enough to reach retirement age. Before some chav floors him for being boring beyond belief.
Oh yes this other pic was also taken at Burghley House it's called "Two birds".... and while I've got the black dog and I don't care what I write, don't you just hate artists who spend six months on a work and then call it "Untitled". What's the matter with them haven't they the imagination to think of a title for their work? Or do they just think it's cool to call it "Untitled"? They may as well call it "I couldn't be arsed".
Yes I'm in a mood today. Don't mess with me. But the good news is the lovely Mike Da hat will be back in just two weeks time if everything goes as previous years. Where's me valium?
Anyone want to buy a life sized female shop mannequin with realistic boobs and everything? A wig will be thrown in. The flower girls next door want to sell it. Otherwise I'm gonna put it on Ebay for them, so some sad fuck can pretend he has a girl friend. Unfortunately she's rigidly in a sitting position and does not have "Three life like orifices". Apart from that....
put your bids in....

Rock on dudes

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