Saturday, September 02, 2006


We have visitors. Go on say the word out loud. VISITORS. say it again, then again. It loses it's meaning after a while and becomes a stupid word Vizzy torrrs Vizzy tuhs. So in our 2 bed semi-detached compact and bijou house we have vizzytorrs. There's 7 of us. If the council find out we'll be hounded out of the city for overcrowding. We've only just moved in so we are not equipped for such large numbers. For instance we've only got four knives four forks and four spoons and three coffee mugs, four plates and four plastic picnic plates. We solved the problem last night by having a barbecue, issueing everyone with half a roll of kitchen paper each.
The other thing about visitors is they are on holiday and I'm not. I have to work and they are quite content to sit (on folding camping chairs) and chat until stupid o'clock safe and secure in the knowledge they can lie in until safe o'clock.
In the meanst time muggins here has to get up at some ungodly hour and still make it to work while the Vizzies slumber peacefully. Now don't get me wrong I love our present vizzies, they're great fun especially when their children leave open jam sandwiches upside down on my sofa, or empty our cupboards, tip huge economy packs of rice all over the kitchen floor or decide it's fun to fill all those little holes that make up the speaker of our TV with peanut butter. The parents (our best friends) laugh and say quaint things like "he does that at home too." and "We don't believe in punishment" and "It's his way of expressing himself."
Well my way of expressing myself is to clout the little bleeder round the head with a rolled up newspaper. Are these the same people who many years ago would have decked anyone who even vaguely annoyed them? Now they have children who are infititely more annoying but that doesn't matter because they are now new age parents who give their children room to express themselves and be complete little bastards.
They go home today. Hopefully they'll be gone by the time I get home from work.
That is unless they've been persuaded to stay with the promise that yes we'll watch the England Andorra match on TV.
Oh well the PR company I do work for has just emailed me with a photo job. I've got to take some publicity photos at a pub. Fabulous. I get the best jobs I wonder how long I can stretch the job out for before I have to go home. It could be an all nighter with a taxi home afterwards.


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