Friday, July 08, 2016

Don't mess with the big fella

So my man hell bent on discontinuing his term of office as a human living on this planet decides he's going to piss off the local Russian Mafia. Actually whether or not they're really Russian mafia is just a point for comedic effect. So my drug addled friend meets up with "the most beautiful, drop dead, gorgeous girl." He goes on... "She's perfect, lovely figure and covered in tattoos and piercings. Just my type. But there is a fly in the ointment."
"I knew there would be. What is it?"
"Well she lives with  this Russian guy and he's one big Mother fucker."
"So you should stay out of it then. She's already in a  relationship."
"Yeah but she wants out don't she. She wants to come live with me."
"To live with you or live with you?"
"She don't mess about she was kissing me an' shit an' sayin' 'I be your wife' an you know....."
"So you're going to take on this girl who is 'drop dead gorgeous' with  her boyfriend just up the road? Don't you think he'll have something to say about the matter?"
"He might. But she just wants out cos he hits her."
"Which ever way you look at it, it doesn't look good for you. he'll be round your gaff and ... well just tell her NO."
"I can't."
"Why not? Wait. Don't tell me."
"She's already moved in."
"Why did I know  you were going to say that? What does he do, this Russian guy?"
"He's a drug dealer."
"It's not getting any better is it?"
"NO but you should see her, she's gorgeous."
I sit shaking my head. Of all the crazy dumb ass things he's done. This is up with the best of them. Why he's still a  friend of mine I'll never know but he keeps coming back with updates and street gossip. I try and persuade him that he really should think this through for the consequences but logic is not his strong point, not any more.He wanders off out the door. He heads towards the off licence and I wonder if I've seen this big Russian guy out on the streets.

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