Friday, August 19, 2016

Apologising to the trees.

My man turns up after a few weeks of being off the grid. He's had a makeover. Gone are the combat trousers and bomber jacket. He's now sporting a look somewhere between Mad Max and  Hawaii Five-O, well it is summer after all. He's looking rather chipper for someone I never expect to see above ground for much longer. He waves. I wave back, then he does an about turn, and walks toward me a big smile on his face. Did you hear?
"The Police raids? " I venture.
"Yeah fuckin' Ay. A few more scumbags off the streets. The Police went in hard and fast with a few simultaneous dawn raids."
"But they never hit the Smack Crack and Cocaine Emporium.  Why not?" I ask.
"Well he's just a street dealer innee? They went higher they went for the distributors. So the emporium is gonna be light on stock for awhile."
"How long?"
"A couple of days.... hey look..." He points up the road, "ha ha the cunts, they've got nothing to sell so they're walking the fucking streets. Like fucking lost children... The bastards."
Sure enough ambling down the road come a group of the worst kind of scum, including their 7 foot tall financial advisor who incidently looks almost exactly like Lurch from the Adams family. It's like a horror version of a family outing. My man has to go hide round a corner he's laughing so much. I stand there in the street as they walk past. They don't give me a second glance.  When they'd gone my man comes out of hiding "Pathetic aint they? Trouble without a cause. Fucking waste of space the lot of them. They ought to go apologise to the fucking trees for using up the Oxygen. hey you wanna beer? I got a sack full here."
"No thanks it's bit early for me."
"Well it's never too fucking early for me. Cheers an spit in yer eye." he takes a slug. "it's a good day today." he says between mouthfuls of super strength lager. "the bastards are out of business and life is sweet. Especially gonna be sweet, when the big boys find out who grassed them up."
"Who's that?"
"The cunt squad."
"Errrr why would they grass up their suppliers?"
"They didn't, but words been put out on the street that they did?"
"Who by?"
"Who do you think?" he grins wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, winks  and says "See ya."


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