Black Perla of the Caribbean.
My man turns up, he has brought his "breakfast" with him, four cans of Black Perla 7.8% "Only £1 a can." he announces for the hundredth time.
"It's been a bit quiet over the Emporium recently." I say casually.
He takes a swig of his Black Perla, only £1 a can "You know why that is dontcha?"
"No. Summer holidays?" I venture.
"No ya plonka, they've all bin nicked aint they. They wuz raided the other night. The bastards."
"Oh I never knew."
"Yeah and guess who has bin sent down as well?"
"I don't know."
"Shed man. That fucker who was living in my shed. he's just bin handed a four year stretch."
"What for? Living in your shed? That's a bit harsh."
"No aggravated burglary and other stuff. This is good stuff this..." he hold up his can, "only £1 a can. It hits the spot an does the job." he throws the empty into my bin and cracks open another "Black Perla." He puts on a pirates voice "Black perla of the Caribbean"
"Nice, except it's Polish, hardly Caribbean."
"Yeah but at £1 a can? .... oh look there's old Henry." he points to a guy in a motability scooter coming our way.
"What's his story?"
"He's the longest surviving addict in Peterborough. he's been doing heroin for forty years."
"And he's not dead?"
"No he does a tenner a day now, not much but enough to take the edge off. It doesn't do anything for him. Just enough to stop him getting the shakes." he pauses, looking up the road "And that m'boy is the brother of the girls who fell out the ugly tree hitting every branch on the way down." He says pointing to a young man staggering down the road. "He's nasty little shit, on his way to the chemist for his methadone. The fucker can hardly walk."
"I didn't know they had a brother."
"Oh yes, they have a brother alright and that's him." He cracks open another Black Perla and takes a long drink. "Almost there." he says
"Almost finished breakfast. Right. I'm going up the road to have it out with someone." by now my man is not so steady on his feet three cans of Black Perla 7.8%, £1 a can, in quick succession will do that to you.
"Have it out? Who with? Why?"
"Don't you worry about it. He's got it coming."
"You worry me sometimes. Why do you have to have it out with anyone?"
"Because he pissed me off alright? And no one crosses me."
"Ha it's the other guy you want to worry about. Second thoughts don't worry about him, he's not worth it."
My man staggers off into the night clutching his last can of Black Perla, Except it's broad daylight and ten o'clock on the morning.