Saturday, July 14, 2018

Being dead was fun for a while

The  results from my Psych Eval are in. Turns out I'm an Introvert. I always told people I was an extrovert based on all the abt shit crazy dangerous stuff I've done. But really, it seems, I'm an Introvert. Thinking about it, it kinda makes sense. I don't like parties. If I go to parties I am either in the garden or in the Kitchen. If I go to a show and there are looking for volounteers to go up on stage I visibly shrink into my chair, at the back, hoping I wont be noticed. I never sit in the front row of anything. Even when I got married I rather hoped I could have a seat at the back and just watch. I could have a body double who stands at the front with my wife and does all the "I do" stuff.
It's my 60th birthday this year. My worst nightmare is someone suggesting we have a party to celebrate it. NO NO NO. You have the party I'll be in my studio working on photos.
The best party that never was thrown for me was when I died. Obvously I didn't die but the local paper erroneously reported my death A load of people started organising a memorial party for me, with music and bands and lots of beer. It would have been great. It would have been my best party ever. Except I wasn't dead. When they found out I was still alive it was cancelled. Everyone assumed I'd be really angry that the Peterborough Evening telegraph could be so insenstive to report my death. But  I wasn't angry at all, I found it hilarious.
So I'm an introvert. I don't like crowds of people. I purposefully live in the arse end of nowhere to be away from people, I don't like parties, I don't do small talk, I switch off and walk away if people are boring me (I am famous for this) but I will quite happily walk on stage with my guitar and play either with my band or play solo. I never had a problem with this but I can't do kareoke.
Zed is my salvation. She is an extrovert. You'd think an introvert living with an extrovert is a recipe for disaster. In fact for me she is a Godsend. We go to the pub. Inevitably Zed gets stuck in talking to all and sundry I hover in the background enjoying my beer. We're seen as a very sociable couple except it's Zed doing all the socialising. She is my buffer to society. She does all the talking I do the listening and watching and analysing, watching body language. Looking around the pub seeing who is doing what, who is talking to who, working out who are genuine friends and who aren't, like scientific research. I never stop until "What do you think  Mikel?"
"What? Sorry. What was that?"
Sometimes I feel like a ghost, enjoying the chatter the people and everything going on but not really being there. Then someone will spoil it by telling me to cheer up and enjoy myself. Well actually I was enjoying myself until the exact moment you told me to cheer up. I might be sitting at the back quietly drinking my beer but honestly,  I'm having a great time.
I think I'll enjoy being dead, a ghost, and no one to tell me to "cheer up".
In the meantime I have Zed to shield me from society, and my dog who doesn't talk much. What more do I need?

1 Comments:

Blogger Sister Sunshine said...

You two are perfect together. The dog is awesome... I want one just like him!

2:20 am  

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