So Del and I (This is Del by the way, as if you didn't already know) had a leetle rehearsal tonight. We tried out "Stray cat strut" I think it's gonna work. Then he hit me with the bomb shell.
"By the way Mike I don't want to worry you but we're gonna be doing "My Sharona" by the Knack."
Cue scared rabbit look. Eeek! I Know it but I don't know it if you know what I mean. There's a lot of du du dud da duh duh duh duh du da. In it. So that's Del on Bass guitar then.
Anyway my little girl (yeah OK she's 19 now and not so little) asked me to get rid of a TV for her. It wouldn't fit in the wheely bin. So I brought it back to the shop and stuck it my yard for the Eastern Europeans. They are my latest save money weapon. I put stuff out and they take it away. So I don't have to pay to get rid of the stuff. As planned, the TV disappeared overnight. This morning I was about to open the shop when Eastern European refugee man walked up to me.
"I dont work."
"No it's rubbish."
"So, you fix the TV yes?"
"Because it's rubbish."
"it was heavy I carry a long way."
"So you fix for me."
"Why should I?"
"I got it from here."
"You took it from here."
"So you fix."
"What part of Fuck off will you not understand?"
Then later Mrs Stupid came into the shop.
"I want a cheap kettle."
"This is cheap it's a cordless kettle. Only £10.95."
I show her the kettle she picks it up and says "Where do you put the batteries?"
So we're on a roll today and this time Mr Stupid walks in wanting a belt for his 'otterpoint washer mashin'. I sell him the belt and he goes outside. he stands on the pavement carefully scrutinising the belt, then looking at me daggers like. Then looking at the belt some more then looking through the wiondow at me some more. I go outside and ask what's his problem.
"I asked for a belt for an otterpoint washer mashin you give me two smaller belts. I want one bigga one belt."
"Yes that's what you've got it's twisted into a figure eight and folded in the pack."
Then Mrs Crazy women comes in with her beige trousers and the very suspicion brown stain down the back. "I want a bulb....... don't look at me!..."
"Sorry I'm not looking at you."
"Don't come near me."
"OK I'll stay right here. What sort of bulb do you want?"
"it's a bulb."
"To go in my lights."
"How bright do you want it?"
"I don't know it's for my sitting room."
"How about 100watts?"
"DON'T LOOK AT ME!"
"I'm not. I'm just trying to help." So I'm trying to have a conversation with Mrs Mad Woman while staring at the wall.
"I'll call the police." she screams at me
I don't need this for a 40p bulb. So I stare at her hard. She runs out the shop screaming. Result. God I'm so callous sometimes.
I've got to say today was unusual most of my customers are quite normal. Even very nice. But you get days like today now and then. I often wonder if it's anything to do with the phase of the moon.
You may have wondered about the header for this post. It's an experiment. JonnyB is currently rated No: 8 in the google search for Kirstie Allsop. So I'm going for Jamie Lee Curtis. As she is a favourite of mine. Don't tell Del. She's far too thin for his taste. He's gonna hate my Helene if she ever turns up. If you don't already know she's French petite and slim. But still no joy on that front. Check out "My novel" if you don't know what I'm talking about.
That's it for know
Rock on Dudes.