....with built in FM Radio

I guess you must have seen them advertised here and there. An everyday object made useless by the addition of an FM radio. I've seen loads. Golf club with built in FM radio. Biro with built in FM radio. Torch with built in FM Radio. How could we possibly survive without these essential items. Who thinks these up? Especially who thinks to take an already useless item and make it even more tacky by the addition of the ubiquitous built in FM fucking Radio?
But yesterday I found the pinnacle of crap. The nobel prize winner of bad taste. And the scary thing is it could be in a poundland near you right now. A sales rep came to the shop with this months special offer list. I couldn't believe my eyes.
"This can't be right."
"Which one?"
"This one. Are they taking the piss or what?"
"Ah that one. I haven't sold any of those yet. I don't think I will."
And friends what it was, was the very essential toilet roll holder with built in FM Radio and ALARM CLOCK. Wall mounted of course.
For fucks sake! It makes the mind boggle that they think people need an alarm clock for when they're sitting on the throne. Are they going to be falling asleep whilst taking a dump?Do they have a time limit.
"OH darling I'm going to the toilet. No don't worry dear I'll set the alarm."
I wonder if it has a snooze button.
Beep Beeeep Beeeep Beeeep
"Oh no, just a few more minutes sitting here would be great!"
Just long enough to read the sports pages.

iPod now playing - My oh My by David Gray