The Language Barrier

MY friend MIck who went to live in Spain was scottish, i suppose is scottish he can't say film. He can only say fillum. He used to live next door to a farum.
"A what?"
"A farum."
"What's a farum?"
"You know a farum with cows and stuff."
"Oh a farm."
"Yes that's what I said. A farum."

My sisters adopted daughter is Jamaican she can't "ask" for anything. She said. "I'll axe my mummy"
"What? You're going to chop her up?"
"No silly I'm going to axe her if I can have an Icecream."

The italians here can't say Hotpoint. Which is one of the biggest factories in the City. Making washing machines and tumble dryers. They all say "ottapoint."
"You 'ave parts for ze ottapoint."
"Yes we have Hotpoint spares."
"You fix?"
"Yes what's wrong with it?"
"Ah dunno izza break innit?"
"But what's broken?"
"Ma ottapoint! He izza break I jus said dat."
"Yes but how is it broken, what's wrong with it? What's it not doing?"
"Ah dunno izza break innit. You fixa ma ottappoint or no?"
"OK we fixa da ottapoint. You giva me da money I getta someone to fixa da ottapoint."
"You wanna da money now?"
"No."
"So why you say I giva you da money?"
"You giva da money when we fixa da otterpoint OK?"
"Si iz OK. When you come?"
"I'll call my Engineer............Hello trevor..... yes it's me.... yep I've got a job for you....... izza ottapoint........when can you fix it?.... he's from Woodston..............what's wrong with it?I don't know you ask the customer yourself he's right here."
"Ello you is engineer? ....si... si..... si........woodston.....Larkalanda Road...... numero 23...... si izza ottapoint.......I dunno izza break innit."

iPod now playing - Hand in my Pocket by Alanis Morrisette