Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Smug Convention

Just in case you're wondering about the mixing desk reference I'll tell you. Thommo lent me on a sort of permanent basis a Behringer mixing desk. I love it. It does everything I want it to do.
Then last saturday Thommo phoned me. he wanted it back. The bastard!
The bottom lip started going and there was a crack in my voice. I was filling up. I said "OK Thommo it is YOUR mixing desk after all."
"I'll be over in half an hour to pick it up."
Ten minutes later he's on the dog and bone again. "I've got another mixing desk you can have, I'll bring it over for you to use."
He brought the mixing desk. It was a fucking monster. I could hardly lift it. It would be OK if I was in a band with lots of people all needing inputs. But it's just me and Del right now. It has no effects built in.
I went to the music shop. An effects unit to plug in is £89 a new mixing desk of the mickey mouse variety, 4 channel Walt Disney desk c/w effects £99. I wanted my Behringer back.

Sunday night at the pub with Del he's looking at me and saying "What's the matter? You look really miserable. You look like someone who's lost a mixing desk, got another and wants the old one back."
"How did you know?"
"Ahha I know zese things Mr Bond."

Monday morning and I'm still grieving for the loss of my beloved mixing desk. That and the fact I nearly wrote off my car.
I was coming down the A1 from Lincoln doing about 70mph because my gear box is fucked and I can't get into 5th anymore, but that's another story. This Smart car zoomed past me. I didn't know they could go so fast. It was getting dark. Two miles down the road I saw red break lights flashing right in front of me. I slowed down a bit I couldn't really see what was happening. Then I realised they weren't just slowing down everyone had stopped dead. I slammed on the breaks. I just knew I was going to hit the car in front. There was no avoiding it. The ABS kicked it and the car juddered as it slowed. I stopped within 12 inches of the car in front only to check my rear view to see another car hurtling toward me from the back. Shit! Brace for impact. He found an opening in the traffic and just swerved to avoid me. Heart racing and hands shaking I looked ahead to the clearing traffic to see the stupid sod in the smart car had stopped dead in the middle of the road. No attempt to pull over to the side of the road at all. Not only that he had his door wide open and he was wandering around the dual carriage way aimlessly, cars swerving to avoid him. Then all of a sudden the bastard jumped into his car started it up and raced off down the road. I couldn't believe it. Well I can actually the world is full of nutters.

So I'm pissed off Monday morning and Thommo calls me.
"Mike the Behringer is no good to me, there's not enough channels for the band."
"Oh good!"
"Do you want to buy it off me?"
I was round his place of work in under ten minutes with a fist full of cash and the monster mixing desk to give back to him. I've got my baby back and this time it really is mine. Never to be taken away again. I'll give it a good home. I'll take care of it honest. I'll feed it an everything. I sound like Del but that's another story..............

So that's why I'm smugger than the smuggest person at a smug convention. And I'm Welsh. So is Del so is Brom Man, we're all pretty damned smug right now.

Rock on dudes

iPod now playing - Grand slam by Captain Smug and the Smuggettes


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