Thursday, December 08, 2005

Why the French hate us

I was talking to Helene today on the phone. She's French. She was telling my why the French hate us so much. I use the term hate in it's loosest form I must add. These are the reasons in no particular order and certainly not an exhaustive list of why the French hate us so much.
1. We've been at war with the French so many times and they lost. They've never really forgiven us. Even though we saved their butts from the Nazis. But they really credit the Americans for saving them not us.
2. English people abroad behave terribly. They are rude and arrogant. Actually sometimes we're ashamed of our own people, when they hit the night spots of some cheapo meditteranean resort on a club 18 - 30 holiday.
3. We have mint sauce on our lamb. WHAT? Apparently in France this concept of putting mint sauce on perfectly good lamb brings about howls of laughter and derision.
4. In food generally they hate us. Our food is spectacularly bad according to the French. The only good food we have is food we've stolen from other countries and then we make a mess of it.
5. The English drink too much.
So all this was told me in good humour so then she asked me why the English hate the French so much so I came up with a list to amuse her.
We hate the French because...
1. They don't wash they just put on more cologne or perfume.
2.French girls don't shave and have hairy pits.
3. They are completely mad.
4. They have a president who is only staying on as president so he doesn't have to go to jail.
5. The French drink too much.

On points 1 & 2 & 3 Helene pointed out that that could be true if you were describing a French SDF (ess day eff) who is a person of no fixed abode. But she pointed out this person would also be smoking "Gauloise" and trying to look chic.

" 'Chic.' you say. Ha! The French fashion industry has crumbled. They are about as fashionable as a cold sore.Now if you want fashion you've got to come to England."
"Zee eenglish fashion is not fashun My-kel. It's rubbish. It's not chic."
"it may not be chic but it isn't boring. We are adventurous. None of your navy blue twinset combo and pearls for our girls."
"We are not all like that My-kel."
"OK so what are you wearing today?"
"my black jeans and black pullover."
"Exactly?"
"Exactement quoi?"
"It's the standard twinset except black this time."
"But it's practical. I am working today."
"Yeah yeah yeah!"
"So monsieur fashun Eengleesh what are you wearing today?"
"Er....."
"Yes?"
"Er..... black jeans and a black sweat shirt. But I'm working."

Le rock en mes dudes

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