During the day people come and visit, because they know I'll be here and also they know they'll get a coffee. Yet again today I got a visitor. Innocently I ask "Oh got the day off then?"
"No. I'm working from home."
"So what are you doing here then?"
"Working."
"Fair enough. Coffee?"
Now this has happened a few times. Someone somewhere will start putting two and two together and figure out thatworking from home equates to skiving. My friend just phones and says that he's not coming in to work today he's got a lot on so he'll be working from home. Whereupon he embarks on a tour of the do it yourself outlets sainsburys and all points in between before finally stopping at mine for coffee. The work he had to do at home was done in ten seconds flat after hanging up the phone. It involved using a template and rejigging some figures. The rest of the day is his. I hope he feels guilty.

Last night I was in the corner shop getting some beer. Yeah Yeah yeah You're gonna say why didn't I get some food as well while I was at it. Well it's a Turkish shop and I can't read turkish and so haven't a clue what's in the boxes, there's no point asking as everything I point to is "Very good, very nice, you like." It's usually bloody aweful and ends up in the bin. I know where I am with a four pack of Grolsch. Anyway eating gets in the way of my writing unlike beer. So I'm in the Turkish shop and Ayeeesha (sounds like a battle cry doesn't it....... Ayeeeeesha!) looks at me while I pay for the beer and says "Mikel why you not marry Rose?"
"Rose?" Rose is their Turkish shop assistant, very nice, very cute. "She hasn't asked me yet."
"No you should ask her."
"OK I'll ask her." I turn to Rose who was sitting on the window ledge. "Wanna get married Rose?"
"Maybe."
"OK lets go back to my place and we'll practice being married." Which knowing my luck will not be going to bed for a shag, but going back to my place and getting moaned at for not doing the dishes or not "listening to a word I've said all evening".

So this morning I was back at the Turkish shop. Smiley was there his real name is Ishmael or summat. Anyway he asks me "When you marrying Rose?"
What's going on. I've hardly spoken to the girl more than 'how much is the grolsch?'.
"She's a good girl, good christian girl, good cook too, works hard."
I said "I'm not marrying Rose. I don't even know Rose that well. "
"She's a good girl."
"I'm sure she is."
Is there a conspiracy going on? A plan to get Rose married. I asked if she was a relative, apparently not.
I'll be whisked off to Istanbul for the wedding. I wonder if I'll have to play guitar at my own wedding?

Note to children: Don't panic Daddy is not getting married again. It's a joke. Honest! You can trust me I'm your father. Oh yeah Happy Birthday to your mother. Forgot a card for her. Forgot a present. Forgot her birthday til now. Oooops!