Tuesday, April 12, 2005


For those who have noticed and been kind enough to read "my novel" here's an update on the Helene situation.
Quick recap. Met Helene when I was fourteen on school trip to France, became pen friends, met her again when 19, father took me for a bad un and took a shotgun to me, never saw her again for 20 years, met again and fell madly in love. After two and a half wonderful years she chose to go back to her husband who was seeking custody of the children, he was certain to win, she couldn't lose her children. We parted. I haven't seen her for nearly two and a half years now.
So now I have my life, I've got used to her not being around. The pain has mostly gone and I'm having a great time.
Last Friday I had a letter from Helene, telling me she still loves me and misses me a lot. 1st letter in over nine months. So that opened a shit load of emotions that I don't know what to do with. The best thing is she tells me that she still loves me and in the next paragraph says she's not getting divorced she's going to live her miserable life with André still. So what's the point? Why torment me like that? It's not fair. Just as I've got used to living without her she goes and does that to me. I haven't replied yet. I haven't the heart. I supposed I'd better one day. But I don't know what to say. I don't want to go back to that. It's not worth the pain. If she said in her letter "Yes I'm getting a divorce." it would be different but she's giving me all this shit at the same time as telling me we have no future. I knew that the day she went back to her husband two and a half years ago. She's probably as confused as I am. I can do without it. I guess I should be old enough to know better. But emotions have the habit of taking a fucking great swing at you when you're least expecting it and I wasn't expecting it. So that's me right now. And I'm still angry about it, but mostly calm.I was sailing along quite nicely as well. Living my life and having fun the best I can.

iPod now playing - Watching the Detectives by Elvis Costello


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