Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Pasque Flower

It's the weirdest feeling. A girl I was shagging 27 years ago steps back into my life. We were, at the time, shagging like bunnies. She was great fun, she smelt of baby sick all the time, she was a nanny in London. Then yesterday she walked through my door. It was the same girl but now older, fatter, more lined, matronly. I looked at her with my 20 year old eyes, forgetting that I am, myself, 27 years older. She breezed in like a breath of fresh air. Gone was the acrimonious split we went through, for reasons I'm not going to go into now, instead she was chatting away nineteen to the dozen in her official nanny way, very practical, humourous and down to earth. God she's an earth mother. But she kept her distance. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. Not in any sexual frenzied way you understand, but in a searching way, looking for the incredibly cute young nanny I used to shag. She had the same hair cut, a bob but now with just the hint of a few grey hairs. I've got loads. While she talked, non stop, I searched her face for clues, the mouth was the same, her eyes sparkled just the same. I wanted to feel something for her. I was desperate to feel that excitement I had whenever I was with her just once more. But there was nothing. I felt awkward. She shouldn't be here. She was part of my life many years ago, but that's over now. We had a great time, a very special time and I will never forget it.But now? She left twenty minutes later. We stood in the car park next to her car. I wasn't sure if I should kiss her hug her or what. In the end she kissed me. I wasn't expecting it and we missed. It was a sort of "you had your chance for a kiss matey, you blew it" sort of moment. She got in her car and went. I'm not sure why she chose this day to come and see me and I don't know why she did.
Todays picture is of a Pasque Flower. It's very rare. You wont see one of these unless you know where to look. So I'll tell you. It's at "Hills and Holes" Barnack. North of Peterborough and South of Stamford.

Del is in a good mood tonight. Arsenal are in the finals of the European cup. To celebrate we got out the guitars and played a load of Pink Floyd and Neil Diamond numbers.

But, before that I went to see my boy Jamie in a school play. I turned up expecting to sit through an hour and a half of excruciating embarrassment. But you know what it was fabulous. These kids put on a show that was brilliant. I was spell bound. Not just with my boy but with all the other young actors. They played an abridged version of "Barefoot in the park". You know when a play is good when you actually believe what's going on. They are not just mouthing off the words. Jamie played the eccentric foreigner/womaniser brilliantly. So well in fact that I forgot he was my son. I was so captivated. It would have been a perfect night if when we got him home he hadn't forgotten his key to get in his house. So we're standing on the doorstep with all his costume and props and no key. His mother was out taking an exam and we didn't know when she'd be back. Anger? You don't know the half of it. But I remained calm despite everything and took him to his grandmothers.

My ex phoned me later, she didn't know I'd picked up the phone and she was telling someone "I Knew something was going to happen. I'm really in trouble now."
"Mikel is going to do his nut...."
"hello I'm here."
"I'm going to get the blame for this one."
"Hello put the phone to your ear."
"...The very day I have to take an exam and I can't be there...."
"For chrissakes you phoned me just check your phone..."
"He wont understand."
"Vikki I'm here listening, talk to me."
"Oh hello."

Rock on dudes


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